A not so healthy relationship.

In this unit in Healthy Relationships in Shakespear, we started off by reading/watching Othello. We had to assess whether this was a healthy relationship. It took quite some time to figure out which "Healthy" relationship I was going to choose. In the end, I decided to go with "Desdemona, and Othello". It took me a while to see that this couple who were almost certainly destined to be apart but yet somehow ended up together, didn't deserve each other. Othello was most certainly the lover type but he lacks control of his anger. Othello furthermore was destined to fail. He let his jealousy and his anger get the best of him. Yet even as Othello was lied to about the misdeeds of his wife, he seemed to believe the baseless claims.

Here are the criteria of what makes a healthy and unhealthy relationship. 

Healthy relationship: 

•Mutual respect. Respect means that each person values who the other is and understands the other person’s boundaries.

•Trust. Partners should place trust in each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

•Honesty. Honesty builds trust and strengthens the relationship.

•Compromise. In a dating relationship, each partner does not always get his or her way. Each should acknowledge different points of view and be willing to give and take.

•Individuality. Neither partner should have to compromise who he/she is, and his/her identity should not be based on a partner’s. Each should continue seeing his or her friends and doing the things he/she loves. Each should be supportive of his/her partner wanting to pursue new hobbies or make new friends.

•Good communication. Each partner should speak honestly and openly to avoid miscommunication. If one person needs to sort out his or her feelings first, the other partner should respect those wishes and wait until he or she is ready to talk.

•Anger control. We all get angry, but how we express it can affect our relationships with others. Anger can be handled in healthy ways such as taking a deep breath, counting to ten, or talking it out.

•Fighting fair. Everyone argues at some point, but those who are fair, stick to the subject and avoid insults are more likely to come up with a possible solution. Partners should take a short break away from each other if the discussion gets too heated.

•Problem-solving. Dating partners can learn to solve problems and identify new solutions by breaking a problem into small parts or by talking through the situation.

•Understanding. Each partner should take time to understand what the other might be feeling.

•Self-confidence. When dating partners have confidence in themselves, it can help their relationships with others. It shows that they are calm and comfortable enough to allow others to express their opinions without forcing their own opinions on them.

Unhealthy relationship: 

•Control. One dating partner makes all the decisions and tells the other what to do, what to wear, or who to spend time with. He or she is unreasonably jealous, and/or tries to isolate the other partner from his or her friends and family.

•Hostility. One dating partner picks a fight with or antagonizes the other dating partner. This may lead to one dating partner changing his or her behavior in order to avoid upsetting the other.

•Dishonesty. One dating partner lies to or keeps information from the other. One dating partner steals from the other.

•Disrespect. One dating partner makes fun of the opinions and interests of the other partner or destroys something that belongs to the partner.

•Dependence. One dating partner feels that he or she “cannot live without” the other. He or she may threaten to do something drastic if the relationship ends.

•Intimidation. One dating partner tries to control aspects of the other's life by making the other partner fearful or timid. One dating partner may attempt to keep his or her partner from friends and family or threaten violence or a break-up.

•Physical violence. One partner uses force to get his or her way (such as hitting, slapping, grabbing, or shoving

Reason 1 why it can be a healthy relationship: Mutual Respect 

Desdemona can choose from many suiters, but despite racial differences, she chooses Othello. By marrying the Moor, Desdemona breaks her habits and faces criticism. She loves Othello and makes it clear that she is loyal to him.

"That I did love the Moor to live with him,​ My downright violence and storm of fortunes May trumpet to the world: my heart`s subdued Even to the very quality of my lord: I saw Othello's visage in his mind, And to his honor and his valiant parts Did I my soul and fortunes consecrate. So that, dear lords, if I be left behind, A moth of peace, and he go to the war, The rites for which I love him are bereft me, And I a heavy interim shall support By his dear absence. Let me go with him.” (Act One, Scene Three)

Reason 2 why it was an unhealthy relationship: Physical violence

Desdemona combines rationality and tenacity in her final conversation with Othello. Instead of bending over from fear, she tells Othello to do her wise things, and she asks Casio how she got her handkerchief. However, Othello was too emotional to hear and had already ordered the lieutenant to be killed. This stubbornness of Desdemona is partly their downfall. She continues to commit to the cause of Cassio, even though she knows it may cause her problems. Believing he is dead (wrongly), she cries openly for him, revealing that there is nothing shameful. When she learned of the news that she was leaving Cyprus, Desdemona expressed her joy and Othello slapped her. Frightened by Othello's self-control, Lodvico asks Othello to call Desdemona, who has left the room. Othello does so only to accuse her of being a false and indiscriminate woman. (Act Four, Scene one)

“I never did / Offend you in my life, never loved Cassio,” (Act Five, Scene Two).​

Reason 3 as to why it was an unhealthy relationship: Anger control

Othello cannot easily let go of his love for Desdemona. He switches his attitude several times from loving her to brief outbursts of hatred. He finally lets go of his resolve and plots a course of action. He appears wearily calm before he kills Desdemona. 

All my fond love thus do I blow to heaven: ’Tis gone. Arise, black vengeance, from the hollow hell. Yield up, O love, thy crown and hearted throne To tyrannous hate! .. Damn her, lewd minx! O damn her! (Act 3 Scene 3)

I part with saying this, someone you trust (your significant other specifically) should never present the idea that they are cheating on you. If you have no physical evidence then you should never resort to MURDERING your S/O. I believe that with trust and some hard work their relationship could've been salvaged, They had so many great moments but in the end, it was all for nothing.